Since the beginnings of the association, Homes en Diàleg (Men in Dialogue) has focused on promoting egalitarian sexual-affective relationships and, above all, relationships completely free of violence. The eradication of gender violence, which finds in the traditional model of sexual-affective relationships the ideal context for its survival, has always been the main concern of the association.
Note that, despite the great advances in gender equality, violence is still common in many sexual-affective relationships, that the masculinities that use it, often remain valued, admired and object of attraction, while many of the masculinities that do not use this violence are despised and seen as unattractive, has led us to search within the social sciences research the keys for a masculinity that overcomes the traditional model of relationships.
That is why Homes en Diàleg (Men in Dialogue) assumed, since its creation, the work of Jesús Gómez (2004) as a basic reference. The contributions of this author show this link between attraction and violence in the context of a traditional model of relationships that builts on a double standard, whereby some men (dominant, violent) are associated with stormy relationships but passion filled (those who are chosen for a crazy passionate night), while other men (with positive values) are associated with quiet lives but without passion (those who are chosen to have a quiet life with, to have children with, etc.). Which is, then, the way to eradicate gender-based violence? Is it the explicit resignation to passion for achieving lives based on stability and affection? From Homes en Diàleg (Men in Dialogue) we propose not to choose neither between friendship and passion, nor between excitement and affection, since there are real alternatives:
“The dissatisfaction of relationships based either on seducing (passion without love) or on stability (love without passion) can only be overcome by attaching in the same person tenderness and excitement, friendship and passion, stability and madness.” (Gómez, J. 2004, p. 99).
The New Alternative Masculinities (NAM) allow to break the binomial attraction-violence and overcome the traditional model of relationships. To this respect, Homes en Diàleg (Men in Dialogue) also starts from the contributions of Flecha, R., Puigvert, L., & Rivers, O. (2013) in which is contrasted the traditional model of masculinity (represented by the Opressed Traditional Masculinity and the Dominant Traditional Masculinity) and the New Alternative Masculinities. The first two do not contribute to the eradication of gender violence, while new alternative masculinities do contribute.
Often it has been considered that the traditional masculinity had only one model, the Dominant Traditional Masculinity, being the one that directly uses violence against women and other men. Any masculinity that moved away from this model, was often considered as an alternative model of masculinity. Flecha, R., Puigvert, L., & Rivers, O. (2013) clarify that there is a pattern, also within the traditional masculinity, the Opressed Traditional Masculinity, that does not correspond to the Dominant Traditional Masculinity, neither uses violence, but is in fact contributing to the maintenance of the traditional model of relationships and, therefore, does not contribute to the eradication of gender-based violence and neither to achieve relationships based on passion loving, egalitarian and passionate at the same time.
The New Alternative Masculinities, however, stand outside the traditional model. They do not represent an unique pattern, but in its vast diversity share some common features: the pursuit of passionate and egalitarian relationships, built through dialogue, security, strength and courage necessary to oppose gender violence.
It is for all these reasons that Homes en Diàleg (Men in Dialogue) position themselves in favor of enhancing and promoting from different areas, among which Education stands out, the New Alternative Masculinities, as only model able to provide an alternative that makes possible the progress towards egalitarian, passionate, fully satisfactory and completely free of violence relationships.
Gómez, J. (2004). El amor en la sociedad del riesgo. Una tentativa educativa. Barcelona: Hipatia Editorial. ISBN: 84-7976-028-1
Flecha, R., Puigvert, L., & Ríos, O. (2013). The New Masculinities and the Overcoming of Gender Violence. International and Multidisciplinary Journal of Social Sciences, 2(1), 88-113. Doi:10.4471/rimcis.2013.14